What Gaby has to say about things you’d be better off not saying is good, but this last statement is 100% true –
“Most of the time, the only thing you have to do is be there. Most of the time, your only job is to be you, a fellow human being who is not afraid of engaging in a meaningful connection.”
Our trauma taught us how to react during childhood in ways that are, in fact, not at all appropriate to the reality of adult life. Things that remind us of our abuse can set off a panic in us, causing us to do, and say, things that are not appropriate to the current situation, and people on the receiving end of that communication can have a difficult time understanding what has happened. Interactions between survivors can be rife with underlying messages and reactions that have nothing to do with the current situation because we are all bringing our own trauma into the conversation.
If you’re still here after struggles like Kelly and I have had, how do you celebrate that?
An interesting little snippet from CBS about Al Nixon, and the good he does just by sitting on a park bench in the morning and listening. I thought it worth sharing because it demonstrates the power of listening in terms of making people feel seen, and connected. It’s not therapy, and it won’t fix everything but as he says “When you listen to someone, you let them know I value you”.
I am, obviously, not a Person of Color, but I recognize that this quote is true, and want to share these kinds of resources as a way to help where I can.
Heck, for me, these words were pretty close to exact quotes from the person who abused me. I wanted this because I’m bad, if anyone found out about it, or the way my body reacted, they would know who I really am and reject me. It’s part and parcel of being abused, believing this.
Of course, none of it is true, but when this is what your own mind tells you every single day for years and years? It’s not going away that easy, so maybe spend some time reading links like the one below about how to combat toxic shame.
