If you have children, please go read the whole story linked below. But, the one thing I wanted to really point out is this line from her mother: “The next day, I called the police and asked them if they publish on their webpage a list of games that predators were known to frequent. They…
When I was undergoing treatment with a therapist, she actually tried to get me involved in group sessions. The sexual abuse survivor group I attended a few times was not for male survivors, it was for any survivor, and I just happened to be the only male in the group. It didn’t last long. To get any help for me, as a male survivor, I had to kind of be wedged into programs and tools that were designed for female survivors. It still helped me, but it could have been better, and might not have helped a lot of men. I do believe it’s gotten slightly better over the years, but only slightly. It’s still a huge problem. We still don’t have any real idea of how many male survivors there are, or how to make resources available to them. Partly because we don’t talk about it enough, and partly because when men do talk about it, they aren’t listened to.
We pay the price for that. Those survivors grow up, and struggle, on their own, with mental health and other issues. They don’t feel safe coming forward, and they are often made to feel weak if they even consider asking for help.
That’s no way for anyone to go through life.
What Gaby has to say about things you’d be better off not saying is good, but this last statement is 100% true –
“Most of the time, the only thing you have to do is be there. Most of the time, your only job is to be you, a fellow human being who is not afraid of engaging in a meaningful connection.”
Our trauma taught us how to react during childhood in ways that are, in fact, not at all appropriate to the reality of adult life. Things that remind us of our abuse can set off a panic in us, causing us to do, and say, things that are not appropriate to the current situation, and people on the receiving end of that communication can have a difficult time understanding what has happened. Interactions between survivors can be rife with underlying messages and reactions that have nothing to do with the current situation because we are all bringing our own trauma into the conversation.
If you’re still here after struggles like Kelly and I have had, how do you celebrate that?
An interesting little snippet from CBS about Al Nixon, and the good he does just by sitting on a park bench in the morning and listening. I thought it worth sharing because it demonstrates the power of listening in terms of making people feel seen, and connected. It’s not therapy, and it won’t fix everything but as he says “When you listen to someone, you let them know I value you”.
