Sharing – Supporting Your New Partner if They Are A Survivor
Understanding this is one of the hardest things about being in a relationship, of any kind, with an abuse survivor. As a sexual abuse survivor, it has been paramount in my romantic relationships to talk openly about my experience and what things can be very difficult for me. These discussions are important because there can be things that seem very simple and routine to you that your partner does not see the same way. (For example, I don’t like to be touched until I can see the person touching me and know they are someone safe. Approaching me from behind and touching me before I’ve had a chance to “see” who I am with can be very startling to me.)
I like to think that survivors are worth the effort, and my wife has confirmed that at least our relationship is worth it. It requires honesty and openness that may be new to survivors, but it’s the only way forward.
Sharing – Back to the future?
We do need each other. There is no replacement for the support of another human being, regardless of what that support might look like. Just not being left alone with our struggles is a source of support.
This then brings Ben to another important point. Imagine if we all had a modicum of education about mental health and could not only show up for each other but show up with some educated actions to take.
Sharing – What Not to Say to Your Grieving Friend
I’ve seen so many examples of people who felt the need to say something to a grieving spouse, child, etc., that they wind up saying something that makes everyone who hears it cringe. There are some good examples of what not to say in the article below, but maybe this sentence is the best thing to remember:
“In the end, the best thing to say when you don’t know what to say is just that. “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here for you.” “