I’ve had some incomplete thoughts about my family ever since my grandmother was in town this past weekend. She’s the last living grandparent I have, and she delivered a batch of old pictures to my mother when she came up for the visit, which were also interesting to see. (I’m planning on “borrowing” them from my parents at some point to scan for my own safekeeping.) The problem is, I just don’t seem able to put into words the feelings and thoughts I’ve been having since then. It’s a muddled mixture of sadness, regret, loss, and anger about the past, mixed with contentment and happiness about the present and the future, with a twinge of missing the aunts, uncles, cousins, and other various relatives that I’ve lost contact with over the years.
Maybe, eventually, those feelings will find words, but for now, they’re just a big melancholy mess.