I’ve realized something about myself this week. I’m not exactly proud of it either. It seems that I’ve spent so much time learning to take care of myself, that I have a hard time admitting when I might need some support from my friends.
That’s not to say that I regret that I am capable of taking care of myself. That’s been a long time coming. And it’s not to say that I don’t get plenty of support and help from my wife. I absolutely do. But, with her traveling halfway around the world, and this having already been a stressful week, I realized that I just really wanted someone to talk to, but really don’t know how to ask someone to do that. I wound up emailing a few friends instead, and even then I found myself saying things like, “oh no, I’m fine it’s under control I can take care of myself, no worries”, because I just really didn’t want anyone to think that I couldn’t take care of myself.
Of course, logically, I know that part of taking care of myself is leaning on friends for support. I just don’t like having to do it. I want to be self-sufficient during the times my wife is traveling, no matter what happens. I don’t mind leaning on her, we lean on each other all the time. Those are the roles we play with each other. I’m used to playing a certain role with many of my friends, and I’m not really comfortable switching out of that role into one where I need them to help me. (Hmm, I like to play my role and not change anything up, sound like I grew up in a family with an alcoholic much? lol)
So my question is, how do I get out of my comfortable role and, more importantly, how do I know which friends can switch out of their roles and be a source of support when I need it? I’m not used to looking for that in my friends, but I have a feeling I’m going to find out which ones I can depend on.