| |

Going Beyond Prosecution

I found myself nodding along as I read a recap of a presentation given by Connilee Christie, who works with children who report being sexually abused. Especially, this part:

Success often is measured on prosecutions, she said. In part, she said, because it is easily measured.

But that is not how the Children’s Advocacy Center in St. Louis measures it. The center abides by what is called the “Child First Doctrine,” which states:

“The child is our first priority. Not the needs of the family. Not the child’s ‘story.’ Not the evidence. Not the needs of the courts. Not the needs of police, child protection, attorneys, etc.”

“Sometimes that means no prosecution,” she said.

I’ve written before about the difference between “justice” and healing. Just because your abuser didn’t go to jail, or didn’t go to jail for as long as you thought they should, has no bearing on your ability to heal. I see the same sort of thought pattern in what they are doing for children in St. Louis. Yes, it would be wonderful if justice could be served in every case, but that’s never going to happen. We can do as much as we can to try and carry out justice in these cases, but getting a guilty verdict is dependent on so many things that are out of our control as survivors or those who wish to help them. It depends on being able to take the stand, having others do the same, having a jury believe you versus the person you are accusing, etc.

I’m not saying we shouldn’t pursue justice, but that can’t be the only goal and the only definition of success. Success when dealing with victims of sexual abuse is in getting them the help they need, keeping them safe, and getting them on the path to healing as soon as they are able. The best part is that we can do that without waiting to see what the criminal justice system comes up with, and we can do it regardless of the results.

A survivor overcoming their childhood and learning to live a full life is just as much of a success as seeing their abuser convicted. But the two are not the same thing. Healing can happen regardless.

Similar Posts

  • |

    Why Think About Abusers? Because It Wasn’t Your Fault

    Last night I stumbled into the #sexabusechat on Twitter, mostly by happening to be looking at twitter when it started up more than by design, I have to admit. The topic of the evening was on generational abuse, and how it carries down from one generation to the next. In response to the question of…

  • Quick Thought #18 – Sports as an Example of The Lens We See Life Through

    Just like in sports though, sometimes it’s not about how the world works, or what mistakes we made, it’s about the other team. In our case, it’s the abuser. They did this. Healing is understanding that, and coming to grips with the fact that our lens is wrong. We’re looking at someone else’s actions and choices through a lens that only sees ourselves. We were abused, maybe when we told someone, we weren’t believed, or maybe even as adults, when we share our experiences we make others uncomfortable. But it’s not us. Other people get to make their own choices, have their own reactions, and choose who, and what, to believe.

    What we need to do, is start untying other people actions and reactions, from ourselves. The abuser chose to abuse. The people who refused to help, made that choice, and the people who still don’t believe us, have their own reasons for doing that. None of it has anything to do with us, those are other people making their own choices, playing their own game. We can do everything right, live our life to the best of our abilities and still “lose” in these interactions. It happens. It doesn’t lessen us, it shows us who these other people are, and tells us about their agendas.

    We learn from that, and move on. We do not blame ourselves for their agendas.

    It does take developing a more mature lens to view life through, and that takes time, and work. Are you up for it? Or maybe the better question, are you tired of blaming yourself?

  • Question to ponder

    Dan left an interesting comment to that last post. He said he hasn’t a clue how to live his life his own way. Now, obviously, the exact details of living a life are going to be different for each individual, but I think there probably are some basics. For me, learning to live life my…

7 Comments

  1. I know as someone who spent years in the Police investigating these offences that we are liable to be blamed in some circumstances for not getting a conviction at court.
    In some cases you are right.
    I will always be open and honest in my opinions and feelings and always willing to listen, learn and try an explain.
    The trouble with child abuse and people in general is that they like to put things in clearly defined boxes and to appoint blame.
    With Child abuse you have to treat every case, every child, every family, every abuser differently. There are no boxes, no generalisations, only what you know from that case. Abusers will lie, parents will lie and you also have to be very careful when interviewing a child or even an adult who has been abused.
    If a child has been abused parents want to know what has happened but often don’t know how to ask a child. They are angry at themselves for letting it happen and that anger comes out closing the child up. It is difficult to talk to a child without ever leading them. Every question you ask has to be open so they say what actually happened rather than being lead by your own opinion and this is a real skill.
    There are many reasons abuse is not reported and you cannot put them in boxes. Every one is different and often a mixture of many different reasons. You can generalise but it would be wrong.
    By putting reasons in boxes you are finding excuses and there is no excuse for any form of child abuse.
    As a detective my job was never to prosecute child abusers. First and foremost it was to protect the child and help them all I could. Their feeling should always come first. A prosecution of an abuser will never make what happened go away. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it makes things worse. There are still things that can be done without going to court against the abuser. Taking an abuser out out of society is so important but allowing a victim to cope and live within society is far more important..

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

To respond on your own website, enter the URL of your response which should contain a link to this post's permalink URL. Your response will then appear (possibly after moderation) on this page. Want to update or remove your response? Update or delete your post and re-enter your post's URL again. (Find out more about Webmentions.)