“Because as much as I hate the night, as much as the darkness weighs on me and maybe on you, as much as I rail against the quiet and the still and the loneliness, this remains fact:
The sun does rise.
The sun does rise tomorrow and the world sings with alarm clocks and morning news and cities burst to life and I am still here. Even when I haven’t wanted to be, I have managed to still be here, and that is no small feat. If that is you, if you feel like all you’ve managed today is to still be here through a night when you wanted otherwise, please know there is no small victory in that. There is large, loud, celebration-style victory.”
Interestingly, I had the opposite feeling about night time when I struggled with depression. Night time was the one time I could actually be quiet, and at peace. There wasn’t anyone else around to pretend for, no one else to impress, or hide from. I could just relax, and feel safe, because there was no one else around.
Now, part of the is being a child abuse survivor, and part of that is because I’m simply different than Robert is, and so my mental health needs take on a similar, but not exactly the same, set of problems. Yes, my mental health is at risk when I’m tired and lonely, but when it’s the middle of the night, being lonely feels somehow normal. It’s when I feel lonely in the middle of a crowd that I’m in trouble.
How about you?