Link – How “socially skilled” child molesters get us to ignore red flags

I’ve been saying this, and we all know better, but it continues to happen…

““The sex offenders who are the successful offenders, who are 95% of the cases or more, are people that we know and trust and invite into our homes,” she says. “And [we] give access to our children to them.”

These “groomers,” as she describes them, are people who have “deliberately ingratiated themselves with the adult community” and are accepted as “upstanding citizens.”

They funnel all their energy into accessing children, building their lives around seemingly innocent activities. They’re dedicated coaches, teachers, parents, or volunteers. Adults in the community teach their own kids that these are “adored friends,” van Dam writes.

So it’s all the more confusing for kids when abuse occurs. Often, van Dam says, young children will “under report” abuse (if they report it at all) in a way that “they think is clear, but of course, it isn’t.” She gives the example of one boy who told his parents, “I don’t like [my babysitter,] he makes me stay in the bathroom all the time.” Or a little girl who angrily complained of the same abuser: “I’m big enough to wash myself. I don’t need him to scrub me in the bathtub.””

Go read the whole thing, and share this with others. We aren’t learning this lesson, so we need to continue to put it out there. Far too often we miss the signs not because they aren’t there, but because we can’t comprehend a pedophile being someone we like.


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