Sharing – 11 Things People Wish They Were Told After Someone Dies

There are a lot of things people say after someone we love passes away. Many of them are not helpful. Some of them are. Some of the suggestions in the article below can be helpful, but in my own opinion, this is the one you should remember.

““Silence. My wish in fact is that more people would learn how to sit quietly and not feel the need to just say anything.” — Heidi F. “

Heidi is 100% right about this. Recently, my wife and I were talking about 2019, when both of her parents and one of mine passed away during a 5 months stretch. There were so many people who felt the need to say something who would’ve done well to simply sit with us instead.

There were also people who simply weren’t there. People we thought we could depend on, and they just didn’t show up. I have always suspected that many of them simply didn’t know what to say, so they stayed away. What they didn’t realize is that I never needed them to say the right thing, I just needed to know they were there. When they weren’t, it just added more grief.

Your words are not what’s important. Your words can’t heal someone grieving. But your presence is everything.

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  1. Oh how I would have welcomed this article as a young adult. I recall, with regret, several times I didn’t show up because of not knowing what to say. I am thankful for a counselor who helped me understand and learn, although I still am challenged at times (even as recently as the 2019 passings you mention). Thank you, as always, for posting, Child Abuse Survivor.

  2. Highly recommend The Young Hot Widows Club for anyone dealing with a loss, supporting someone through a loss, or just proactively trying to prepare for a time when such a loss will come. I will never forget the small kindnesses and open spaces for me to simply be. I thank God for the people who allowed me to be broken and miserable without turning away. Other relationships, ones I thought were solid, were severely damaged. I felt like a freak, a burden, or just a painful reminder of the loss – and they just weren’t there.

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