Sharing – The Mental Illness Recovery Paradox

I felt this when I read it:

I expected to feel relieved when my own crisis ended. And I did, very much so. But at the same time my shame grew, I felt exposed and as if everyone could suddenly see cracks that appeared in me. The symptoms of psychosis and depression had gone, but the shame was just beginning. As a psychologist, I understood recovery. As a human being, I didn’t understand why recovery felt so shameful and lonely. By now, several years later, I have learned that shame after a health crisis isn’t a failure. It’s a predictable and quite universal aftermath.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/divergent-minds/202512/the-mental-illness-recovery-paradox

I have said before that the thing I most craved after my very public breakdown was for someone to be able to treat me the same as they did before. It turned out that very few people could. That only added to the shame I felt as someone who had so obviously broken that I had that breakdown in the first place.

It took me a long time to be comfortable with what happened. Most of that was internal, the embarrassment of being the guy who had public mental health issues and spent a long time in therapy, and trying to build a new life. Part of it was also watching people be uncomfortable in my presence. I didn’t have a choice about who knew about it, and I learned to embrace it as part of my story. That didn’t happen immediately. This all occurred between 1995 and 1998. I didn’t start a website until 2001, and even then, I was vague about what I experienced.

Now, I’m open about it because I realize that I’m not the only person who has experienced this. That’s the power of our stories. They combat the shame and the stigma. We need them.