Sharing – Chronic shame may drive destructive thought patterns in abuse survivors

We don’t talk about emotional abuse often enough. I don’t. I keep meaning to correct that, but I don’t do it enough.

I don’t think I’m the only one in this cycle, either. There was one quote I wanted you to pay attention to, though:

Regardless of abuse history, the study confirmed a robust link between shame and cognitive perseveration. Whether measured as a chronic trait or an immediate reaction, higher feelings of shame consistently accompanied higher levels of brooding, avoidance, and emotional non-acceptance. The researchers suggest that when people feel a deep sense of shame, they try to fix the perceived flaws in themselves through intense overthinking.

Chronic shame may drive destructive thought patterns in abuse survivors

I don’t always recognize myself as a survivor of emotional abuse, because the physical and sexual abuse was more obvious and memorable, but this description sounds familiar, and the reality of shame because of our abuse is something I think any of us who grew up with abuse as a kid feels.

That shame can lead to brooding and constantly trying to fix ourselves. That, I understand. The frustration of trying to fix ourselves because of something that wasn’t even our fault to begin with can be immense. If anything, I’d like to see resources that help all of us give ourselves a break and understand that this was someone else’s personal failing, not ours.