I’ve felt this and I’ve talked about it many times before. Children forced to deal with a lot of trauma do that instead of learning about our place in the world, and in respect to other people. So would this be any surprise?
It can be a struggle when so many of our friends and even professionals want to help us overcome abuse to “get back to” ourselves when there is no previous version of ourselves to use as a target. I don’t think this should be the goal anyway. The goal for any child abuse victim should not be to go back to being a younger version of themselves before the abuse, the goal should be to build a life after abuse. I didn’t find much healing in trying to remember my early childhood, but I found a ton of healing in having someone help me design the life I wanted to have as an adult and helping me feel worthy and capable of having that.
I guess I feel a little bit better knowing this at least:
“To stay motivated as we encounter unprecedented levels of uncertainty in every aspect of our lives, we should understand that the human brain simply was not built for this. Knowing what your brain does well — and what it does surprisingly poorly — can give you a much clearer sense of the strategies you need to not just endure, but to thrive.”
On the other hand, it’s not like the uncertainty is just going to go away and I can get back to the levels my brain is OK with. So, what do we do?
What did surprise me, though, was that I actually saw all 6 of these signs in myself. All 6. (I also don’t think they are all that sneaky, but then again, while I know I’ve been having worse anxiety lately, all of these did sort of sneak up on me.)
So, I don’t know about you, but I know for sure that I am now hyper-vigilant, negative, anxious, withdrawn, exhausted, and dealing with more physical aches and pains than I ever have.
This article helps me realize that it’s not really a coincidence. How about you?