I’ve been doing quite a
I’ve been doing quite a bit of thinking about an issue that someone sent me an email about. It concerned abuse victims, and their tendency to abuse others as adults. I spent some time researching it, and found just really little information, and contradictory information at that. Are abuse survivors more or less likely to become adult offenders? I don’t know. Some abuse survivors obviously have issues that lead them to act that way as adults when those issues aren’t resolved in healthy ways, but some don’t. It would be a mistake to distrust survivors because of the fear of them abusing, but it would also be a mistake to ignore the issues and allow a situation like that to continue.
In the end, I guess it’s just like any other group of people. Some may be out to abuse others, while others are practically incapable of it. The only way to know is to get to know the person in question and judge their character appropriately. It’s too bad that so many people don’t have the ability to judge the character of others. But then, in our new pluralistic society, we really aren’t supposed to judge others are we? Too bad, a little character judgement could go a long way.
What i find and believe to be true is that Abuse is a cycle. People can either continue the cycle or make an effort to not abuse. Not be perfect, but to at least attempt to not hurt others. And i do believe that there are people, who are doormats as I use to be, who were so conditioned to be abused, that their own children and others abuse them, cause they just didn’t know any differently and fell into that trap. It is by educating yourself and taking a different path, from not being an victim anymore and not allowing yourself to be abusive. I think we can take three different paths, we stay in our abusive stance, we repeat it or we learn and do differently. I know i been abusive but did not realize why or that i was, it was not till someone helped me and then told me that the reason why i did a was cause b happened to me and that if i did not get help i would carry that over to my children someday. I was truly sorry for how i acted towards people, and i know i hurt alot of people in my past. Now i understand why and i forgive myself. Now with my child, I look at her and hug her, and i know that i would never do to her, what was done to me. Someone cared to help me, to show me i was repeating what i had learned, and i had to realize this and apolize and let god forgive me, and most of, i had to learn to forgive myself as well. So I do believe that education is the key, and i do know often than not, people seek help. But at least someone took the time to help me, gave me the benefit of the doubt and now my life is less stressful, peaceful and very rewarding.
Kimberly