Sandy, in the forums, asked if anyone knew of any support groups for wives of male survivors. While that seems like it’s probably a good idea for a group, I’m not familiar with any groups with that specific agenda. I offered some suggestions for where she might begin to look for that, but if anyone else has any ideas, or knows of a group like this, feel free to drop by the forum topic and leave her a reply!
Pin As we come to the end of another year many of us, myself included, look back at 2017 and recount the places we’ve been, the people we met, what we accomplished, what we didn’t, the people we’ve lost and start to plan to make 2018 even better. There’s nothing wrong with that, quiet reflection is…
Pin Just like in sports though, sometimes it’s not about how the world works, or what mistakes we made, it’s about the other team. In our case, it’s the abuser. They did this. Healing is understanding that, and coming to grips with the fact that our lens is wrong. We’re looking at someone else’s actions and choices through a lens that only sees ourselves. We were abused, maybe when we told someone, we weren’t believed, or maybe even as adults, when we share our experiences we make others uncomfortable. But it’s not us. Other people get to make their own choices, have their own reactions, and choose who, and what, to believe.
What we need to do, is start untying other people actions and reactions, from ourselves. The abuser chose to abuse. The people who refused to help, made that choice, and the people who still don’t believe us, have their own reasons for doing that. None of it has anything to do with us, those are other people making their own choices, playing their own game. We can do everything right, live our life to the best of our abilities and still “lose” in these interactions. It happens. It doesn’t lessen us, it shows us who these other people are, and tells us about their agendas.
We learn from that, and move on. We do not blame ourselves for their agendas.
It does take developing a more mature lens to view life through, and that takes time, and work. Are you up for it? Or maybe the better question, are you tired of blaming yourself?
As I’m sure you all know, I’m very interested in the idea of leveraging technology when it comes to spreading the word about child abuse, whether that be by getting the facts out in the open, or making sure that survivors know they are not alone. That’s why I have this site. That’s also why…
I’ve realized something about myself this week. I’m not exactly proud of it either. It seems that I’ve spent so much time learning to take care of myself, that I have a hard time admitting when I might need some support from my friends. That’s not to say that I regret that I am capable…
Just thought I would post a quick update on the Survivors Network, which continues to grow! There are now480 members, and though their participation comes and goes as life sometimes gets in the way of being online often, there’s still plenty of new discussions and posts that have been made recently. Also, I added a…
Pin We evolved to feel depression and anxiety in response to difficult experiences because it serves a purpose. We’ve also evolved to depend on each other as a community. One without the other is going to go poorly for us, and I fear that is precisely where we are now. The significant increases in rates of depression and anxiety, not to mention what seems like our complete inability to make a dent in the rates of suicide in the US, might just be because of this imbalance.
Be good to each other and stay connected. It’s what we need most in times of adversity.
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Hello…
Just wanted to introduce myself to the board and say hello to you all. I been reading your stories and can relate all to well.
Kimberly Ann