A Recurring Theme

ByMike McBride Reading Time: 1 minute

One of the recurring themes I noticed in the holiday edition of the Blog Carnival was in the area of how to deal with the holidays as a survivor. More than one post talked specifically about making new traditions. It’s very easy to regret the Christmas traditions that we either didn’t have, or were not very good traditions, as children. It’s very easy to look upon the holidays with disgust, as other families have their traditions and celebrations, as we continue to sruggle with the issues surrounding our own childhoods. It can be a terribly difficult time for survivors, there’s no doubt about that.

On the other hand, each holiday season is another opportunity to start, or continue, or own traditions. They don’t have to be Norman Rockwell type traditions, nor do they need to be anything big. It can be as simple as spending the day doing good things for yourself, or spending a quiet day with someone who is helping support you, or someone you love. Whatever it is, make this holiday season about doing something for you, not about regretting the things you don’t have.

You’ve lost enough holiday “joy” to the abuse, let this year be the year you start to find your own, small, joys.

Update, of course, right on cue, Pysch Central’s 9 Tips for Busting Holiday Depression also includes a tipe about making your own traditions, taking control over how you celebrate the holidays…

Share with your friends!
BlueskyMastodonThreadsLinkedInRedditTumblrBuffer

Similar Posts

  • History Survives When We Talk About It

    ByMike McBride Reading Time: 3 minutes

    No matter what our leaders want to include or exclude from the official histories, we know these events happened. We may not be successful in getting large-scale claims of abuse into the history books of the future, though we should try, but we can all continue to talk about them. The mainstream may want us to be quiet about the abuse that happens within the family, the church, etc., but we can tell our stories. We have voices, our own online spaces, connections, and the freedom to speak.

    Most of all, we can support the people telling those stories. They are preserving our history and reminding all of us that the survivors are out here, we know what was done, and we will not accept the lies. We can ensure the truth is out there for those who want to learn and do everything we can to ensure that history is shared. 

  • Donation

    ByMike McBride Reading Time: 1 minute

    Marilyn from Prevent Child Abuse was kind enough to return my call this afternoon. Turns out that the $35 level of giving is enough to make you a “member”, so that’s the minimum amount I’ll be donating over there thanks to the kind contributions of folks from my sites. That’ll also mean I’ll be subscribed…

  • |

    Grief is Hard, and Long

    ByMike McBride Reading Time: 4 minutes

    Something else interests me about grief though and that is the grief that child abuse survivors have because it’s complicated. We aren’t grieving a person we’ve lost, we’re grieving something we never had. A safe, happy childhood or a loving parental relationship that didn’t exist. The lack of any kind of family bonds as an adult, or the inability to trust anyone. Those are things we can, and should, grieve. Often we aren’t given the chance to do that. Other people expect us to “put it behind us” because it was a long time ago. We may even convince ourselves that the best option is to suck it up and forget it, no reason to think about any of that. But, I think there’s a reason to grieve the things we didn’t have as children. They are very real losses. They have very real impacts on our brains and our emotional well-being. We can’t change it now, but we can allow ourselves the freedom to feel grief over it. It’s part of the process. 

2 Comments

  1. My dad survived an abuse-filled childhood.
    And yet, he raised me, my sister and brother with zero repercussions of his past, which is odd.
    I did not understand what he went through, until I went through his past, with my mom’s help, and HAD to deal with it.
    A friend posted my story, (his story), on a few different web pages.
    I still only see the survivor, not the victim.
    Which I think he appreciates most of all.

    Read our family story here:
    http://activerain.com/blogsview/849452/A-Great-Christmas-Story-Worth-Passsing-OnPlease-Pass-It-On-Too

    Someone needs it this Christmas
    Madison

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

To respond on your own website, enter the URL of your response which should contain a link to this post's permalink URL. Your response will then appear (possibly after moderation) on this page. Want to update or remove your response? Update or delete your post and re-enter your post's URL again. (Find out more about Webmentions.)