As a kid, I needed everything to be perfect, not because I was some overachiever. It was because I knew in my heart and body that anything that wasn’t right could create a violent situation. Any detail overlooked, any warning sign missed, or any wrong word could end up with me getting abused. It became a learned behavior like Pavlov’s dogs. Any mistake created anxiety and fear of repercussion.
As I’ve said many times, I want to teach people that it’s ok to reach out, which means that I also need to advocate for the resources to be available when someone does!
Why would a kid growing up in poverty, without enough food, and without the social support to succeed in school, feel any different about themselves as they enter adulthood? There’s a connection there; good mental health is hard to find when the entire world tells you you’re less-than.
Maybe we should stop viewing anyone as less-than and fight to make sure no kids go without.
My biggest epiphany in therapy was the freedom to make my own life moving forward, because I had never felt I was allowed to do so. Going back to the person I was before I was abused would not have been that.
After all, everyone is changing all the time. Trauma or not, people move forward in their lives and change. Going back isn’t a solution.
That’s not the society we’ve been building. You can’t “other” whole groups of people and claim to be building community. You can’t post constant hate and outrage online and claim to be connecting. You can’t build community when people are forced to work 60-80 hours per week or two or three jobs to afford rent. We need a commitment to connecting people and building community with everyone. Our current path will only harm all of us.
Tomorrow is a good day to be playful, be part of your community, interact with strangers, dress up, and be silly. I’d argue it’s the perfect day for it, because it’s not only socially acceptable, but expected!
