This is what matters. Having people around you with the knowledge and willingness to support you. Far too many survivors, youth and adults, have never had that. We’ve failed them as a society that values our own discomfort with the topic over supporting people we claim to care about.
Until we stop doing that and start connecting with anyone who has experienced childhood trauma, we’ll continue to see all of the negative effects writ large.
Choosing to tell your story for the first time or to a more public audience is not a decision you want to take lightly. Many of us who have done it and are “public” about our past or current issues can tell you that while there are great things that can come from sharing, there are also things you should be prepared for.
I’ll be the first to admit that I was not prepared for things. As much as I have never regretted starting this site and sharing my story, there have been times when it’s been a bit awkward. Times I did not think enough about ahead of time and might have handled differently if I had thought more about it.
So, with that in mind, let me share this resource from the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
I grew up in a world where having my friends and other parents think I was gay seemed worse than just continuing to be abused. Think about that for a minute. Think about what we tell boys about being a man and how society reacts to men who share that they were sexually abused as a child? Is there anything about it that screams “Tell your story. We support you!”.
There are some small pockets of that online and in certain circles, but it’s going to also come with a lot of questions about why you didn’t fight, how you’re destined to now be an abuser, that you enjoyed it, etc.
Female victims of almost all ages will get asked about what they were wearing, how much they drank, etc. That’s wrong.
Male victims will get our own set of questions, mostly about why we didn’t fight, why we were so weak, are we gay? That’s equally as wrong.
The article goes on to discuss the various ways those emotions we are trying to avoid by always being positive are actually good for us. How sitting with and processing those emotions help us learn and grow.
Of course, the one thing I will say about that is this. Be prepared to do that work alone, or very nearly alone. The world is full of people who are not comfortable with their pain, sadness, grief, etc., and refuse to do anything but “be grateful.” They also have zero tolerance for other people “bringing them down” with their own emotions.
These people are not capable of being a support to anyone else. The refusal to acknowledge the entirety of human emotion makes them utterly incapable of sitting with someone in their pain. Sadly, as these ideas have gained popularity, they have also limited our support networks. They have created a shortage of people who will sit with us.
