If this gap feeling describes where you are in your healing, turn your gaze around from looking at the goal and how far it may be to how much further along you are on that path than you were 1, 3, or 5 years ago.
You might be surprised by how far you’ve come in that time. You might even take a moment to feel proud of yourself.
You have to see what happened for what it is. That includes seeing that it was a decision made by someone else and not something you deserved or attracted to yourself in any way. You were a child. Your abuser made a decision to abuse you sexually. That’s the truth of it.
That is the start of healing.
As I read this, I couldn’t help but compare it to the hundreds of stories where the opposite was true. People are so afraid of saying the wrong thing or so uncomfortable with the idea of mental health issues that they run the other way. They disconnect from someone who so desperately needs connection. Someone they love is feeling all that embarrassment and pain and no longer has anyone to connect to and remind them of their value, their humanness.
As the title of Elizabeth’s post says, we need each other.
It is true. As much as you might love your partner and want to support them, there are ripple effects that impact well beyond the individual survivor. Those ripple effects are painful, and we can acknowledge that pain without diminishing the pain of being the direct victim. All of it sucks, and all of it is the fault of the abuser.
There’s no one else to blame, just a lot of people left to struggle. Let’s do what we can to support all of them.
The Being Trauma Aware website offers a free 5 module course on how to have more trauma-aware interactions.
Imagine your spouse going into a hospital for surgery or an injury and having no help navigating that, and also trying to take care of a 12-year-old daughter without anyone else there to take care of a meal or two or transport your kid to school and other events. That’s the reality Amy, and many other families, find themselves in because we still live in a world where we aren’t supposed to admit to having mental health issues and where those are the kinds of secrets you keep within the immediate family only.
