I talk about boundaries often. I know a few other folks in the survivor community who also talk about them often. It’s not a coincidence. Learning about healthy boundaries and how to keep them is a vital part of healing.
Understanding this is one of the hardest things about being in a relationship, of any kind, with an abuse survivor. As a sexual abuse survivor, it has been paramount in my romantic relationships to talk openly about my experience and what things can be very difficult for me. These discussions are important because there can be things that seem very simple and routine to you that your partner does not see the same way. (For example, I don’t like to be touched until I can see the person touching me and know they are someone safe. Approaching me from behind and touching me before I’ve had a chance to “see” who I am with can be very startling to me.)
I like to think that survivors are worth the effort, and my wife has confirmed that at least our relationship is worth it. It requires honesty and openness that may be new to survivors, but it’s the only way forward.
I enjoyed reading it. Some of you looking for the best way to communicate your boundaries might find one or two valuable things on her list this season.
I liked
I’m not obligated to explain myself to you.
“No” is also a complete sentence you should feel free to use when appropriate.
Which script resonated the most with you from the list? What would you add?
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