Sharing – The Problem of Male Grief
I do believe this is true. Generally, the message to men when they lose someone is to move on, get back to work, etc.
“The dilemma is that men have no sanctioned way of grieving. Grief, however, is not a choice. Pain, loss, disappointment, and sadness are hallmarks of the human experience, and no one is exempt. This leaves men not with the task of “not grieving” but of dealing with the emotions that are already happening.”
When my wife and I both lost our parents in a short period, I was thankful that there were people in our lives who gave us space to grieve and checked in on both of us. I’m also acutely aware of how different the reactions were as well. Part of that was the difference in relationships, my wife was much closer to her parents than I was to mine, but there was also an undertone where I was expected to be less emotional about it than she was. Again, plenty of people did better, but it was still there.
I also recognize that I was lucky to have people in my life who saw that. Many men do not have any space to grieve or process emotions other than anger. For those men, read the whole thing and learn how to create space.