• Sharing – Can I Just Tell You: With So Much To Mourn, We Must Allow Time To Grieve

    ByMikeM Reading Time: 2 minutes

    One of the things I learned in 2019, and saw repeated over and over again in 2020-21, was that there are a lot of people who are so uncomfortable with the idea of death, that they become almost unbearable to be around when you are grieving yourself. They are so uncomfortable with grief, that they really, really need you to get over your grief so that they don’t have to feel uncomfortable anymore.

    It’s a weakness. One that cuts people off from their own emotions, whether it be hurt, pain, anger or grief. It hurts people, all in the name of someone else’s comfort.

    We see it when people complain about child abuse public service announcements, put in the “required” time at a funeral, avoid people they know dealing with mental health issues, and so on. And it’s not going to change, until it’s them or someone they care enough about to make an effort to get past their own discomfort.

    Or, maybe it won’t change. Maybe they’ll continue to isolate themselves from anyone who is hurting. That’s a choice, one any of us is free to make.

    Or we can choose to allow people to hurt, and grieve, and simply be with them. Simply care more about that other person than our own discomfort.

  • Practice Setting Boundaries

    ByMikeM Reading Time: 1 minute

    I like the fact that they not only offer concrete things to say but also some background on how to define your own boundaries and what that means. I know for may survivors, we have to first address the core issue, the elephant in the room, before we can start the practice, so let me just go ahead and say that:

    You deserve to set your own boundaries.

    Full stop. Let that sink in, let it rattle around in your brain, keep reading it until you believe that about yourself.

    Then, go take a look at the practical examples of doing that.

    What boundaries do you struggle with? What has helped you do better at maintaining them?

  • Sharing – Is Mental Illness “Abnormal” If It’s Super Common?

    ByMikeM Reading Time: 2 minutes

    I like this comparison to the flu, because the flu is something we all deal with in one form or another, and most people struggle with it for a time, and then get better. Some get treatment, and get better. Some get treatment, and don’t get better. Some have it worse than others, some let it linger without treatment and it becomes a more serious problem, etc. And some people, just don’t get the flu much at all, for some reason.

    That sounds a lot like the diverse ways many of us deal with mental health struggles. Some are more dangerous than others, but many, many people end up dealing with it, even if just for short time.

    Perhaps, if we viewed depression, anxiety, as something closer to the flu, as opposed to something to be kept secret at all costs, more people would have minor cases that are treated and recover quickly, as opposed to letting them fester and become more complicated. And the folks with more complex issues, akin to pneumonia, would not be told to just suck it up because it’s all in their head. They’d get the treatment that their illness requires, because we all recognize that mental health issues are easily as common as physical health issues, and there’s no weakness associated with them.

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    Sharing – 70% of Calls to India’s National Mental Health Helpline Were From Men

    ByMikeM Reading Time: 1 minute

    One, it’s clear that talking about mental health issues is something that younger people are more comfortable with, and the prevalence of people under 40 who called this helpline shows that.

    Two, the fact that this helpline was completely anonymous, and that most of the callers were men, would indicate that the stigma surrounding men asking for help is still alive and well, in India, and I would guess many other places as well. But, give them a way for them to discuss it anonymously, and they’ll be on it.

    So how do we address that stigma so men don’t have to find an anonymous helpline and can talk about mental health issues among family, friends, and therapists.